So you hear about it all the time. On TV, in the newspapers, on the radio... even the ad breaks have a Twitter account or hashtag.
So you have to join them right? There is no way you’re missing out on all this ‘amazing’ stuff that everyone is talking and indeed ‘tweeting’ about.
You want a piece of the action and everyone tells you, “It's amazing, sign up and follow me!”
“Right. That’s it, I’m joining Twitter, so long Facebook - you and I are over!”
Signing up is so simple you think there must be a catch and after hours of deliberating over your user name (when you realise someone who makes wax models in Seattle has already snapped it up) you are on. Hello Twitter...
“So what actually is supposed to happen now? What do I say? I know, I’ll tweet something epic and life-changing...”
...After the epic and life-changing “I’ve joined Twitter” tweet falls on deaf ears, you start to wonder.
“If a tree falls in a forest but there is no one around does it make a sound?”
It's not a good start, but undeterred you do what every new Tweeter does and follow Stephen Fry.
“Wow, he has so many followers - he must be amazing. I can actually tweet Stephen Fry and he’ll read it on his phone in the back of a taxi!”
After Stephen Fry blatantly ignores your tweets and you realise that the Queen is not the actual Queen, things are not looking too promising.
Where is the magic? Where are the amazing opportunities and exciting people? How do I find them and what the bejeezus is with all the # things?
You decide that Twitter is clearly rubbish, and you decide to go back to Facebook and look at Mandy’s 137 newly uploaded photos of her new Ford KA.
“Ah that’s better, normal people who type in English. Phew.”
A few days later, after you hear that the entire world can’t tweet that footballer's name, and her off of Big Brother has upset the African Government with her misread tweet, you wonder;
“Have I got Twitter all wrong?”
Logged back in, you see nothing has changed. Stephen Fry and the pretend Queen are the only thing on your timeline and you have no followers.
You look like an egg and feel like a gooseberry. This sucks!
But then you realise that you have ‘suggested followers’ and a box at the top with ‘Search’ written in.
You nervously type the first thing that comes into your head...
‘Cup of tea.’
BANG!
“Wow...Look, there’s loads of people all talking about drinking tea!”
There’s even someone suggesting that Sweeteners in tea are basically a jail-able offence and you wholeheartedly agree. Without hesitation you press reply to @Mrswiggywon and you’re off...
The next 3 hours are a blur. Food and drink does not feature, the toilet is the enemy and the phone is on silent.
Before you realise it, the world around you has ceased to exist, and you have no idea how you got on to the subject of lawn treatments with a man in Essex.
So you’re off to a flying start; you have some random tea-loving friends from across the globe, and you have updated your picture so you are no longer an egg with a blue backdrop.
Twitter is brilliant and you love it, you just still don’t 'get' it.
What could be life-changing about it, why does everyone go on about it?
Suddenly you remember your favourite show is about to start and tea talk is binned for gossip trash.
Unsure why, you return in a few days to check up on your Twitter just in case something has happened.
Nothing.
Nothing has happened and Stephen Fry still hasn’t replied. Twitter is mocking you and all the tea drinkers have gone.
Then you realise;
“I can type anything into the Twitter search box right?”
After typing your local town into Twitter, you find your best mate's account and also that dude off the checkout at PC World.
You realise you can tap into your local community and find out about local events, as well as what Stephen Fry has been doing in Gambia (he still hasn’t replied though).
Then you follow a whole heap of restaurants, bars, shops and some more celebs. That’s it. You’ve sorted Twitter into a finely tuned promotion and gossip column...It’s like a digital Hello magazine.
Weeks pass and you realise you are only being followed by a handful of people and most of them are CEOs of large companies, bikini-clad ladies who tweet links all day, and an advertising company in Gauteng, South Africa.
“How do I increase my followers?” you wonder.
Stephen Fry still hasn’t followed you back, and is still ignoring your tweets. You unfollow Stephen Fry in a protest at his blatant rudeness.
It's then that the penny drops. Every time you log on, that woman who tried to jail a guy for wanting sweetener in his tea is there. She has loads of followers and one of them is Stephen Fry! How does she do this?
She turns up and contributes to Twitter frequently; consistency is her power.
By being around and taking part in Twitter conversations, more and more of it makes sense, and more and more of it is helping you achieve things that you never thought possible.
You are the one. Neo.
At first, Twitter is like that opening scene in The Matrix. All you see is loads of letters and symbols falling down the screen in front of you.
But, ever so slowly, you crack the code.
Sure you have the odd slip-up and Stephen Fry never tweeted you back from his taxi, but when you can’t remember that tune from the movie with that bloke with the moustache in, Twitter is there.
You buy a new phone and you’re an expert in minutes thanks to the geek squad advising your every move.
You now have a growing following, and the more you get, the more you follow.
From the stumbling new-born tweeter you’re now a finely-tuned sprinter running through tweets and hurdling the hashtags. Everything is enhanced by Twitter and the falling letters and symbols now form the landscape of your daily life.
"So what's next?”
Well, only you control that. Twitter is what you make it and what you want it to be.
The main message really is to be there.
Contribute, share, engage and (unless you’re Stephen Fry) don’t spend all day tweeting about what you are doing and ignoring everyone else.
So you have to join them right? There is no way you’re missing out on all this ‘amazing’ stuff that everyone is talking and indeed ‘tweeting’ about.
You want a piece of the action and everyone tells you, “It's amazing, sign up and follow me!”
“Right. That’s it, I’m joining Twitter, so long Facebook - you and I are over!”
Signing up is so simple you think there must be a catch and after hours of deliberating over your user name (when you realise someone who makes wax models in Seattle has already snapped it up) you are on. Hello Twitter...
“So what actually is supposed to happen now? What do I say? I know, I’ll tweet something epic and life-changing...”
...After the epic and life-changing “I’ve joined Twitter” tweet falls on deaf ears, you start to wonder.
“If a tree falls in a forest but there is no one around does it make a sound?”
It's not a good start, but undeterred you do what every new Tweeter does and follow Stephen Fry.
“Wow, he has so many followers - he must be amazing. I can actually tweet Stephen Fry and he’ll read it on his phone in the back of a taxi!”
After Stephen Fry blatantly ignores your tweets and you realise that the Queen is not the actual Queen, things are not looking too promising.
Where is the magic? Where are the amazing opportunities and exciting people? How do I find them and what the bejeezus is with all the # things?
You decide that Twitter is clearly rubbish, and you decide to go back to Facebook and look at Mandy’s 137 newly uploaded photos of her new Ford KA.
“Ah that’s better, normal people who type in English. Phew.”
A few days later, after you hear that the entire world can’t tweet that footballer's name, and her off of Big Brother has upset the African Government with her misread tweet, you wonder;
“Have I got Twitter all wrong?”
Logged back in, you see nothing has changed. Stephen Fry and the pretend Queen are the only thing on your timeline and you have no followers.
You look like an egg and feel like a gooseberry. This sucks!
But then you realise that you have ‘suggested followers’ and a box at the top with ‘Search’ written in.
You nervously type the first thing that comes into your head...
‘Cup of tea.’
BANG!
“Wow...Look, there’s loads of people all talking about drinking tea!”
There’s even someone suggesting that Sweeteners in tea are basically a jail-able offence and you wholeheartedly agree. Without hesitation you press reply to @Mrswiggywon and you’re off...
The next 3 hours are a blur. Food and drink does not feature, the toilet is the enemy and the phone is on silent.
Before you realise it, the world around you has ceased to exist, and you have no idea how you got on to the subject of lawn treatments with a man in Essex.
So you’re off to a flying start; you have some random tea-loving friends from across the globe, and you have updated your picture so you are no longer an egg with a blue backdrop.
Twitter is brilliant and you love it, you just still don’t 'get' it.
What could be life-changing about it, why does everyone go on about it?
Suddenly you remember your favourite show is about to start and tea talk is binned for gossip trash.
Unsure why, you return in a few days to check up on your Twitter just in case something has happened.
Nothing.
Nothing has happened and Stephen Fry still hasn’t replied. Twitter is mocking you and all the tea drinkers have gone.
Then you realise;
“I can type anything into the Twitter search box right?”
After typing your local town into Twitter, you find your best mate's account and also that dude off the checkout at PC World.
You realise you can tap into your local community and find out about local events, as well as what Stephen Fry has been doing in Gambia (he still hasn’t replied though).
Then you follow a whole heap of restaurants, bars, shops and some more celebs. That’s it. You’ve sorted Twitter into a finely tuned promotion and gossip column...It’s like a digital Hello magazine.
Weeks pass and you realise you are only being followed by a handful of people and most of them are CEOs of large companies, bikini-clad ladies who tweet links all day, and an advertising company in Gauteng, South Africa.
“How do I increase my followers?” you wonder.
Stephen Fry still hasn’t followed you back, and is still ignoring your tweets. You unfollow Stephen Fry in a protest at his blatant rudeness.
It's then that the penny drops. Every time you log on, that woman who tried to jail a guy for wanting sweetener in his tea is there. She has loads of followers and one of them is Stephen Fry! How does she do this?
She turns up and contributes to Twitter frequently; consistency is her power.
By being around and taking part in Twitter conversations, more and more of it makes sense, and more and more of it is helping you achieve things that you never thought possible.
You are the one. Neo.
At first, Twitter is like that opening scene in The Matrix. All you see is loads of letters and symbols falling down the screen in front of you.
But, ever so slowly, you crack the code.
Sure you have the odd slip-up and Stephen Fry never tweeted you back from his taxi, but when you can’t remember that tune from the movie with that bloke with the moustache in, Twitter is there.
You buy a new phone and you’re an expert in minutes thanks to the geek squad advising your every move.
You now have a growing following, and the more you get, the more you follow.
From the stumbling new-born tweeter you’re now a finely-tuned sprinter running through tweets and hurdling the hashtags. Everything is enhanced by Twitter and the falling letters and symbols now form the landscape of your daily life.
"So what's next?”
Well, only you control that. Twitter is what you make it and what you want it to be.
The main message really is to be there.
Contribute, share, engage and (unless you’re Stephen Fry) don’t spend all day tweeting about what you are doing and ignoring everyone else.
Comments always welcome. @Warwicktweetup on Twitter
This blog was proof read by Jo Ciriani (@Pinky_Princess) Visit her WTU profile here or go to her website
Leave a comment
Posted by
vickij1
on
Nov 17th, 2011
What a great blog!So much truth and made me smile! Thanks for taking the time to write this