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Todd tweeting17 things that don't belong on Twitter.


Twitter is an amazing tool. It's simply incredible how fast and efficient it is for sharing content, news, information and pretty much anything you wish. But there's a line, and too many people are crossing it. So here's my light hearted list of not-for-Twitter items.


  • Every other social media: Don't get me wrong, I'm really very impressed that you're on every social media platform, I'm actually in awe of your amazing Mayorship on Foursquare, it's just that I'm on Twitter - stick to tweets, or at least tailor your posts so they make sense.

  • Miserable updates: Here's the thing, this is a happy place and we don't want your misery wrecking it; it's precisely why we left Facebook. If you're having a crappy day then ring your best mate, or update your status on Facebook with a bit of vague-booking!

  • RT to win: We've all done it, grab an iPad just by retweeting? Bingo, let's go Daddy-o! RT RT RT... STOP! I'm trying to read my timeline and your insatiable greed is spamming my feed.

  • Postcards: What? How do you do that? Well it's simple.

    • Step 1: Book a holiday and tell everyone on Twitter.

    • Step 2: Board an aeroplane (don't forget to tweet us the blurred image of your plane through the misty glass).

    • Step 3: Arrive at destination and post an amazing photo of your hotel room.

    • Step 4: Put your towel out, strip off and post that, "Screw you, I'm on a beach" photo.

Postcard complete. I'll now be unfollowing you to avoid two weeks of postcards. Thanks.

  • IMG_0748.jpegYour diet: Yes, we have all tweeted pictures of food, yes we are all now feeling silly about it. That's fine. We all have to eat so it's bound to happen. But unless you're a food critic, and I'm following you for updates of your every meal, please refrain from posting your entire food diary on Twitter.

  • Your telephone conversations: By this I simply mean that if you're having a full blown private chat on Twitter, you maybe should switch to DM or even make a phone call. Not everyone wants or needs to know who your best mate is going out with.

  • Supermarket check-in: We'll done you, you made it to the supermarket! Would you like a RT or something? Honestly, going to the shops is not even remotely interesting, check-in, but stop posting it to Twitter.

  • Smiley faces: I find this very annoying. I'm not sure if people realise but smiley faces don't work on desktop versions of Twitter. So only your mobile followers will know if you're sad, happy, riding a horse, or having chicken for tea. Use actual words and speak to us all.

  • Trumpet blowing: Please stop showing off. If someone pays you a compliment on Twitter, please accept it and move on. RTing it and telling everyone how wonderful you are is frankly vain.

  • Pushy salesman: When I get a cold call at the door or on the phone, Mr. Nice Guy is no more. Do it on Twitter? Tweet me your latest offer and mention me? Throw links to your website in my face? I can close the door on your Twitter too. Blocked.

  • The worlds longest hashtags: Was funny, now isn't. #Iamstugglingtoreadyourtweetswhenyoutypelikethis so at least make an effort and use some upper case #SoWeAtLeastHaveAChance. Hashtags are powerful when used correctly, they're not meant to be used as verbs for tweets.

  • Follow Friday lists: Yes, this still annoys me. Yes, people are still doing it. Follow Friday is dying off lately but that doesn't seem to have stopped people typing '#ff' into a tweet and then adding everyone they know until they run out of characters. It's not even a tweet, it's just like Twitter diarrhoea. If you can't give a reason why we would follow these accounts, don't bother in the first place.

  • Retweeting follow Friday lists: See above and then deduct another 10 Twitter points. As if it's not bad enough that someone spammed your Twitter with a dull list, you felt fit to show all your followers! Why? It's like posting your junk mail into your next door neighbour's letter box!

  • BLOCK CAPITALS: If your [Caps Lock] button is stuck down then get your keyboard fixed - if not, then turn it off. Typing in capitals is like shouting on Twitter... Sssshhhh, we're trying to network in here!

  • SEO experts: Please shut the door on the way out. It's a fine line between SEO experts and porn stars... No, not my ideal night in - the top amount of 'blocks' I have performed on Twitter. There's so many of these so-called experts on Twitter, they just follow as many accounts as possible and tweet one directional messages. I presume they want you to buy into them and then buy their services - sorry, that's not how Twitter works.

  • Photo_14-03-2013_15_12_16.jpgTxt spk: I know there's not a lot of space in a tweet, but please try and fit actual words into your updates. This is especially annoying now that most phones auto-complete words and actually make it difficult to type like a child. Pls try n spk proper, ty.

  • The social media expert: I know what you're thinking, but I mean these social media gurus charge the earth for services, have books for sale, and basically think they're the messiah... Except their Twitter account is awful. I'm sure they have other accounts that are exceptional, it's just so ironic that the account they choose to tweet from breaks most of the Twitter rules. Broadcasting their message, ignoring mentions and popping up every other week when they have something to sell. Oh dear, you're irony personified!


Twitter is a great place, and the best thing about it is that you can use it whichever way you like. So if you tweet like any of the points above; go ahead, I don't mind, I just won't follow you.


Thanks for reading, do you disagree? Please comment below, I love to chat about Twitter. 



Leave a comment

Posted by Paul Evans on
I don't like to see extended conversations between 2 users. Short ones are fine. Extended chats should be done by text, email or better still call them.
Do we need to see users discussing what was said between Bill & Ben & what the the flower pot lady saw.
Twitter will stay strong if used properly.
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